Funny Blonde Jokes and Blonde Humor

Archive for April 2009

Q: Why did the blonde keep a picture of herself in her room?

A: So she could use it as a mirror.

How many blonde jokes are there?

None, they’re all true!

What do you call a blonde who has dyed her hair brown?

Artificial intelligence.

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Air head

Posted on: April 22, 2009

What did the blonde say when someone blew in her ear?

Thanks for the refill

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Q: How does a blonde try to kill a worm?

A: Bury it alive!

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A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop.
The cop walked up to her window and asked, “Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?

The blonde said, “I’m sorry sir, but wherever I go, there’s always a tree in front of me and I can’t seem to get away from it!

The cop looked at her and said, “Lady, that’s your air freshener!

Why did the 3 blondes jump off the building?

 
They wanted to see if their maxi-pads really had wings.

There was a woman who wanted to repaint her house, so she called the contractor and set an appointment to meet with him. When the contractor came to her house they did a walk-through and he asked her what colors she would like. They came to the living room and she told him that she would like a nice, warm cream color. The contractor wrote something down on his pad, then walked to the window and yelled, ”Greenside up.” The lady is a little confused, but doesn’t say anything, and they continue to the dining room where she tells him, ”I would like a nice warm white in here, nothing stark.” The contractor writes something down on his pad, then walks to the window and again yells, ”Greenside up!” The lady is really confused now but still does not say anything. They continue to her bedroom and she says, ”I would like a nice, cool, relaxing blue in here.” The contractor writes something on his pad and again walks to the window and yells, ”Greenside up.” The woman is now totally perplexed and says to the contractor, ”Three times I have told you the color that I want, and you write something on your pad, then you walk to the window and yell greenside up. What is going on?” The contractor replies, ”You see, I have four blondes laying sod across the street.

How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?

 

Wave to her.

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If a blonde and a brunette jump off a building with the same velocity, each travelling at a parallel speed relative to one another, who lands first?
The brunette. The blonde has to stop and ask for directions.

One day, a blonde’s neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened. The blonde said that her mother had passed away. The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left. The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again. She asked her why she was crying this time.
I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn’t get out of her room. “You can’t get out of your room?” the captain asked, “Why not?

The stewardess replied: “There are only three doors in here,” she sobbed, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?
The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?
The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.”  Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.

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